Three years, three lessons.
Within the first three years of my marriage, I have learned three life lessons through the learning of three extreme sports.
Snowboarding
When Matthew was teaching me to snowboard he would explain movements, he would use catchy phrases like peeing and pooping to help me remember body positions over the snowboard. Similar to when you are engaged and people pour out their life advice. All of the advice and discussion is helpful and prepares you in a way.
Only after throwing myself down the mountain, and trying to move in the motions needed did the wise words click. It was only after getting married and trying to live out people’s advice, did the wisdom bestowed upon us make sense.
Getting married was like standing at the top of a mountain staring down. It looks beautiful and amazing, and terrifying. I have learned that one way to enjoy marriage is to simply try, and be okay with failing. Also, to allow Matthew to try, and be okay when he fails.
In other words “Just send it”
The lesson learned in the first year of our marriage is grace. (I use present tense because it is a never ending lesson.)
When you go snowboarding you fall all the time for a long time. Your butt smacks the ground, or your face does. The first day we went snowboarding at Winter Park, I fell on my wrist and hurt it pretty bad. From then on my major challenge with snowboarding was facing the fear of pain.
A major challenge of being married is facing the fears of pain.
But there is snow. There is grace.
For us marriage is where grace is supposed to thrive. Marriage is a safe haven, a swimming pool of grace. In grace there is recognition and acceptance of the hurt, there is still problem solving, discussion and change. Grace also comes when there is no understanding and when there is no agreement. Yet at the end grace is love given freely, fully no matter what. I must admit, Matthew gives me more grace than I give him. I am still learning what grace is, still learning how to give it, and how to receive it freely.
Matthew and I do not do this on our own, we don’t simpy muster up grace, nor do we practically carry it out because we are super smart. We have received a greater grace, one that goes beyond our marriage and even beyond us as individuals.
Yahweh has given me grace. A grace that I did not pay for, a grace that covers me completely forever. Within that grace there lies my own freedom, my freedom to try, fail and grow. In that grace my own fears are obliterated. Any good that comes out of me, is because I have been given true grace from Yahweh (Eph. 2:8-9)
Photo taken by Abigail Norton!
Surfing
I am a surfer. I love to surf, I own a surfboard, I surf for parts of my vacation. I dream about surfing throughout the year. I consider myself a surfer. I’m just not good. I have weak arms, and an unstable core therefore I can’t paddle very fast, and fall over when I stand up. But I am a surfer, just a bad one. But being a bad surfer does not mean I am not a surfer. I do surf, therefore I am a surfer. I have learned to accept all of this. Accept my weak arms, accept my weak core, accept the fact that I have only stood up a few times, for a short time. I have accepted that I will keep trying, and that I don’t need to wait until I am successful to consider myself a “real surfer”.
I am Matthew’s wife. We got married in front of witnesses, we sealed the deal, we wear wedding rings and we are monogamous. But I am not always the best wife. I can be irritable, I can be passive aggressive, I can take out my life frustrations on him. I can expect too much from him, I can tear him down instead of uplift him. I actually don’t nag though and he would stand by that. Yet even when I am a bad wife, and don’t do wife things. I am still his wife. Even when I am hurting him, I am still his wife. Being someone’s wife is a title, is a role, is a form of identity, I just may be weak at times, and weak in some areas. The question is am I willing to accept that, am I willing to see my own weakness within my identity.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)”
For me, I have an identity that takes place above everything else, I am Yahweh’s daughter. I am his child, I am his heir, I am his representative. I display who He is. I believe in God the Father, I believe in Jesus as Messiah, and son of God, and I believe that the Holy Spirit lives and breathes in those who open their hearts to Jesus. I believe that the Holy Bible are words breathed by God, through people and that they guide, teach and free us. I believe that God created and formed me, the earth and all living things. I believe that he is watching, working and moving in this world to bring love, light and healing. I believe that as a follower of Jesus I am to be like him, I am to embody the Spirit of Jesus.
But, there are times when I am weak. Times when I fail, times when I run the other direction, and yet I am still his daughter. I am still a Christian, even when I fail. I have placed my spirit into the hands of Jesus Christ, surrendering myself over to him. My identity now rests in Christ Jesus (Gal 2:29). Even when I am unloving, even when I hurt others, even when I desire money over the care of people, even when I hold judgements over others, I am still his. It is in this solid grasp, that I have freedom. Jesus' love and care for me is not dependent on my actions.
It is free, to me. I paid nothing, I have done nothing to prove or to earn the love of God. There is amazing freedom within that, within the realization of my weakness Jesus steps in and gives me strength. When I admit to not having love in me, Jesus comes into my heart and loves me.
This is the beginning attitude of biking.
Mountain Biking
Now finished with year three, Matthew and I have moved on to a more risky extreme sport. One that is challenging and the repercussions are more severe. Mountain biking is very hard. Out of all three sports it is the hardest one. Physical, mentally and emotionally it is hard! First you must pedal up the mountain, your lungs and legs are burning, your arms are guiding you up. Your mind has to think of foot placement to not hit roots or rocks as you pedal uphill. When you reach the top, you realize the only way down is to go down to finish what you have started. You can’t see the trail ahead of you, no more than perhaps 10 feet. At first when you start, you don’t know when there will be a drop, when there will be a jump, or a rock or a person. Even more, you are unsure of your capability physically and emotionally. There is no way to know if you can do it, until you do it. Time after time, you begin to remember, to feel confident, to understand the path you are choosing to go down. You may not remember every technical challenge, but you feel comfortable going down the trail, you still might not know how to do everything, and you might still get off the bike at certain points, but you feel less scared and less stressed. This is the same for marriage.
Here is the progression, getting a little better and having some more fun. Plus my own bike!
Matthew and I have gone down the same trails with each other, whether that is talking about finances or listening to each other's needs, we have been in those moments time and time again. While we may still be afraid of some parts of marriage, like the dishes or the smell of each other's poop, we feel a little more comfortable stepping into the spaces. We have found flow with one another, inside that flow there is room to challenge each other. There is room because we have grace for each other, because we know each other have weaknesses, and because we have come to know one another deeper
Year three we have challenged each other more. Matthew has led me down the same trail, encouraging me that I am able to ride my bike down steep paths maneuvering roots and drops. When I have jumped off my bike out of fear he has pushed me to walk back up and try again. This year I was given the opportunity to take on a new job. One that is more challenging and requires more of me. He has encouraged me to move forward to do both school and work full time. He has supported me by taking on more responsibilities, praying over me, listening to my fears and telling me that I am capable. And of course the endless cuddles. Year three we have flow as we contemplate major life transitions.
Now having reached the point of pure enjoyment!
This is similar to our relationship with Yahweh. As we do life with Yahweh, we find a flow with him. I have been in moments that have challenged my faith, challenged what I believe and worked through them. I have felt like an ultimate failure of faith and watched as Yahweh continued to scoop me up into his love. I feel confident not in myself but in Yahweh as a Lord who is neverending, consistent and gracious. That confidence gives me confidence to try new and difficult things, because I know God’s love is stable.
Last but not least.
Three years in and I don’t think our honeymoon phase is really over. I am still head over heels for Matthew, even more than ever. Matthew continues to be the most authentic presence in my life. His uninhibited honesty continues to guide our relationship and banish fears. His dedication to a life focused on communing with Yahweh is grounding. His smile and goofy self are intoxicating and his willingness to grow melts my heart. I love my Matthew so very much.
The same way my adoration for Yahweh still remains. My heart still flutters when I am alone and reading scripture. My mind is still blown away when I hear how God has transformed people. My desire to have more and more of Yahweh is still there. I still see him taking care of me, providing for me circumstantially, reaching out to me when I am in despair, and guiding me through complicated situations. God remains steadfast in all things, and my honeymoon phase with God is still ablaze.
All this to say, happy three year anniversary Mudwick!
